One morning a mother asked her children if they would like to pray. And promptly her little 3 year old son began, and he said, “Dear Jesus, please help Sissy to stop sucking her thumb. Amen.” And immediately, Sissy began to pray. “And Dear Lord, help my brother to stop reminding me.” Criticism begins at an early age. Have you ever criticized anybody? If you haven’t raise your hand. I think we’ve all been criticized and we have all been criticizers. And youngsters are not immune to criticism.
Winston Churchill said, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. Because it calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” So, if you have been criticized, probably it was something that was there to be beneficial to you. And I think each of us come to the place in our lives where we cherish truthful, loving criticism that’s valid. Because it can enable us to grow. But I think a lot of us, the trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than be saved by criticism. And we would like more praise.
Solomon says, and let’s go to the book of Proverbs today, in your Bible. Proverbs, chapter 13 is where we would like to begin today. And it says here in verse 18, and I’m going to read from different versions of the Bible and I know you’re following along, either in the King James or the N. I. V., whatever Bible you have will work. Proverbs 13, verse 18 “If you ignore criticism, you will end up in poverty and disgrace; if you accept criticism, you will be honored.” So we need to accept criticism. We need to cherish it.
First of all, we need to make sure that we don’t give out criticism, unless, of course, it is something like Pastor Cook mentioned. We certainly want to tell somebody if there’s something wrong. In a loving and a kind way.
Every one of us has the power to make other people happy. Some of us do it by entering the room and others of us do it by leaving the room. So if somebody comes up to you and you want to be well liked just make sure that you are better known for your words of kindness than you are for your bitter, berserk condemnations. Actually, did you know that angry people NEED to criticize as an outlet for their anger. That’s what psychologists tell us. And that's why we have to reject unkind criticism that is given in anger. We don’t want to accept that. But if it’s given in love, if it’s just, if it’s truthful, then we need to listen. But if you are alive, sooner or later you are going to experience criticism. Expect it.
An ancient story is told of a father and a son who were walking along a road one day with their donkey behind them. And soon they met a man who told them how foolish you guys are to walk when you could be riding the donkey. And so they accepted that and they both got on and rode on their journey. Soon they hadn’t gone very far when another man criticized them for both riding the donkey. They were too heavy and so the boy got off, and walked, and the father rode the donkey.
And it wasn’t long before the third traveler came along and said, “You know. This doesn’t make any… you’re so inconsiderate because you have made your poor son walk.” And so they switched places, and the boy rode and the father walked.
And soon they met a fourth person who said, “You know, the son is not being thoughtful of the father. You should respect your elderly parents, and you should be the one that’s walking.” And so, the last time they were seen, the father and the son were both carrying the donkey themselves. It was not constructive criticism. If it’s valid, if it’s loving, if it’s just, then follow it. But use your own mind when you are criticized.
Solomon shows us how to handle criticism. Look at chapter 15, and verse 31. “If you listen to constructive criticism,” says the New Living Translation, “you will be at home among the wise.” Listen to constructive criticism. The N. I. V. says, instead of the word ‘constructive’, it says ‘life-giving rebuke’. Listen to that life-giving rebuke.
How do you take it when somebody lashes out at you, and maybe they’re zeroing in on something that you have done wrong? Do you get embarrassed? Do you want to lash out at them? You should not. You should take that as a stepping stone in your life. You should listen. He says in verse 32, Solomon says, “If you reject criticism, you only harm yourself.” So listen. When somebody criticizes you, there is an opportunity there. For spiritual growth. For motivation. And so listen to it. Maybe they were truly hurt by something that you did. If so listen. Maybe they have a truly valid point. If so listen to what they’re saying to you. Maybe they are right. If so, what should you do? You ought to listen. And you need to respond to criticism. Verse 32 continues, “If you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.”
So just be sure that you yourself are not a constant criticizer of other people. Make sure that you yourself are a positive person. We all remember Monica Lewinski. Bill Clinton said this. “I have been in politics long enough to expect criticism and hostility. But I was unprepared for the hatred that I got from Christians. Why,” says Bill Clinton, “do Christians hate so much?”
It was amazing to me that down in Africa, I talked with a lot of people, and they said your president is George Bush, but you had a good president, Bill Clinton. Over and over this was said to me. They regarded Bill Clinton as a good president. His morals, they didn’t speak to that, but they thought he was a good president. And Bill Clinton himself. “Why do Christians hate so much?” He experienced adjunct hatred by so many Christians.
Now as a Seventh-day Adventist clergyman, as a pastor, I have noticed that many Christians think that it is their moral obligation to point out error. Have you noticed that? I was at a camp-meeting up in Grand Ledge Michigan, and we had people there carrying placards around, and I came down here to Collegedale, and there were other people carrying placards around, pointing out error in the church, or who knows what. We feel that it is our moral obligation to criticize people. That’s not right. We are not the judge. Jesus is the judge. Be very slow at criticizing others or criticizing the church. Let’s not be known for our critical spirit. Amen?
Do you know what happens when a wife criticizes her husband? Let’s suppose that you’re married. Your husband does something wrong, or maybe quite a bit, and so you criticize him. A person gave study to that and found out that a woman's flattery may inflate her husband’s head a little bit, but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and it contracts his heart, so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her. So when you criticize your husband, you are stifling his ability to love you as much as he could have if you would have kept quiet. Well then, you say, “Pastor, I’m never, ever supposed to mention anything that he does wrong.” There’s a difference, between lovingly trying to help somebody and just criticizing them. You understand the difference in that. So when you severely criticize your husband, little by little you are stifling his ability to deeply love you.
Look at Proverbs, chapter 18 in the Bible. And verse 19. It says here, “It is harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars.” So says the New Living Translation of the Bible. A synonym or another meaning for the word argue is fence. An argument is an exercise in fence building. A strong critical argument slowly but surely puts a fence between you and the other person. A strong fence. So be very slow in criticizing somebody. It jeopardizes friendships to be critical. Most people don’t want to hear something negative about themselves.
Now, if you are criticized, what should you do? Well, first of all, you need to recognize that the reproof could be a windfall in your life. It could be a gift. So listen to reproof. Look at Proverbs 27. Solomon has so much wisdom here. Verse 17. Solomon said, “Iron sharpens iron.” Well, that’s… if you have an axe, you can sometimes use your file if the axe is not too hard. And it says, “So one man sharpens another.” Interesting. If you handle criticism well, it’ll help you. Our interaction with people helps us to become better people. The process of sharpening is not pleasant. Sparks fly. When you sharpen something, have you ever noticed, it gets hot. There’s a lot of heat produced But, that friction creates something that is no longer dull. It has become a much more effective tool. And just so, if my attitude is right, my character will be polished when it is brought into close, heated contact with somebody else. In the context of, maybe, criticism or constructive criticism. It can be very beneficial. And this is especially true if it comes from several sources. They all say the same thing. If one man calls you a donkey, forget it. But if two people call you a donkey, then you need to look for hoofprints. And if three people call you a donkey, you are a donkey, go get a saddle.
When reproof comes, try to learn from it. Get your pencil out. Take notes. They might be right. And if they are right, then change your life with the power of God. And with the power of Jesus Christ, you can change your life. Respond to what they are telling you. Maybe perchance God is speaking to your heart through their words.
When somebody condemns us, we tend to defend ourselves. We put up a wall. And we want to shield ourselves from that. And we even back up. I remember a lady one time. I was in Michigan pastoring, and she got right up into my face, and her finger was about to hit my nose. And finally, I backed up and I was clear against the wall, and she went like that, and my, her finger was so strong. I don’t even remember what she said. I should have taken notes. I should have preached a sermon then. But I was in some type of trouble. We tend to not like the people that criticize us. Her name was Mildred. We became good friends. Mildred Vaughn. We became good friends. She was a much elderly lady than I, and I respected her and her husband, Clyde. Respond to people’s criticism.
And there are several reasons why we get into arguments.
I guess we can’t control the temperature of our heads. We’re hot heads. Proverbs 15, look at the 15th chapter, and verse 18. It talks about a hot-tempered man. It says, “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” A patient man follows Jesus’ advice, he’s a peace-maker.
Number 2, maybe we can’t control our knees. We operate by knee jerk. We are constantly, hastily making snap decisions. We’ll talk more about that next week But look at Proverbs 25, verse 8. It says, “Go not forth hastily to strive.” If you have a difference with somebody, don’t be hasty to solve that problem. Go at it a little bit slow.
Number 3, maybe we have an uncontrolled tongue. Proverbs 15, verse 1. the N. I. V. says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Charles Swindoll writes about a woman who committed suicide. And she left a note, and her suicide note was unfinished. She started it and never finished it. Committed suicide, I guess, and the only words that she wrote down, were this. "They said . . ." And then, apparently, she broke down and ended it all. Somebody criticized her. “They said…” Whatever "they said" was painful enough to extinguish her life. We say that "words can’t be deadly", but they can kill. Literally. Proverbs 25, verse 11. “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Make sure that you’re words are life-giving, and not life-taking.
Number 4, maybe we can’t not only control our tongue, but we can’t control our nose. We stick our nose in everybody else’s business. Proverbs, chapter 26 and verse 17 says, “Like grabbing a dog by the ears, so is a bystander who gets involved in somebody else's quarrel.” Don’t get involved in somebody else’s quarrel. Stay out of other people’s business. Keep your nose out. Stop meddling. Be slow to give advice to your adult children. Now you can give advice to your children up through the age of 13, 14, 15; at a certain point, they become adults. And they become responsible to God in their own life. And so you have to be careful as an adult when you’re speaking with another adult child, how you criticize them. Your position changes just slightly. And besides that, God does not give us perceptiveness so that we can criticize somebody else, but God gives us perceptiveness so that we can intercede for them in prayer. That’s why we have that gift.
Number 5. Here’s another reason for this. We are stiff-necked. We can’t control our pride. Proverbs 13, verse 10, only by pride comes contention. Where does contention come from? Pride is a source of quarreling and arguments and criticism. Proverbs 25, verse 12, “Valid criticism is as treasured by the one who heeds it as jewelry made from the finest gold.” Just imagine if somebody handed you a piece of gold that is worth an extremely large amount. That is the value of valid criticism, the Bible says. So don't let criticism get you down. If it’s untrue, disregard it; if it is unfair, keep it from irritating you; if it’s ignorant, just smile at them. But if it is justified then it is not criticism. It’s a valuable gift, and cherish it. Learn from it.
Proverbs, chapter 29 and verse 1, the N. I. V. says, “A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed without remedy.” If you remain hard against those that are trying to help you, you have no more remedy.
So, let me ask you a question. Which would be best? To be openly criticized by your husband, for instance, or to have a husband who will not express his love for you? Which would be the best? To be openly criticized by him, or to have him be the silent type and never express love for you. Well the Bible answers that question. Proverbs 27, verse 5, “Open criticism is better than unexpressed love.” Did you know that? That is amazing, isn’t it? That sounds like if your spouse never expresses his love for you but he freely criticizes you all the time, that’s better. Well, the King James helps to clarify this. Verse 5 of Proverbs 27 says, “Open rebuke is better than secret love.” So, at least you’re communicating. Communication. There’s hope when you’re communicating.
So how can you avoid criticism?
Number 1, avoid lying words. Always be truthful. Proverbs 12 verse 19, “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts for a moment.” So be truthful.
Number 2, avoid harmful words. And by the way, most of the things that we are criticized for come because of things that we say. Avoid harmful words. Hurtful words. Proverbs chapter 15, verse 1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievious words stir up anger.” So don’t use hurtful words. Don’t use grievious words. Words set off, they detonate bombs. So use kind words.
Number 3, avoid hasty words, premature, half cocked words. Think it through. Put your mind in gear before you operate your tongue. Proverbs 16, verse 32, be slow to anger. Proverbs 14:17, only fools are quick tempered. So don’t spout off. Use mature, well thought out words. And number 4, avoid hot angry words. Proverbs 14:29, “Those who control their anger have great understanding; but those with a hasty temper will make mistakes.” So put your hot words in the refrigerator for a while. Cool them down. And then think them through. Use sweet words.
Number 5, we need to avoid excessive words. Have you ever met somebody that talks all the time? Call them up on the phone and you can hardly get in a word edgewise. Proverbs talks about that. Now don’t poke your husband or your wife here. Proverbs chapter 10 and verse 19, God’s Word Translation says, and this is almost unbelievable. It says, “Sin is unavoidable when there is much talk.” When you are talking all the time, sin is unavoidable. But it continues, “whoever seals his lips is wise.” So be a person of a little less words, sometimes. Silence is golden, they claim.
Solomon says in Proverbs 30, verse 33. “Churning the milk produces butter, twisting the nose produces blood, and stirring up anger produces strife.” So avoid churning up your anger. When you internalize your anger, and you begin to focus on that, it changes you into something bad.
So the next time some critical person says something, try to listen carefully to what they say. Cherish what they say. Pray about it. Let it change you if it is true. And don’t jump to a hasty conclusion about the person. We do that so often.
There was a trapper up in northern Canada. His only friend was his dog Duke. Eventually he met a woman in town and married her, and she moved out to his cabin. And they had a baby and she died in childbirth. Others helped raise the baby until the baby got old enough to live with him, and then he moved her back home, into his little cabin in the northern woods.
But he was a trapper and he had to be gone, so he went out alone and left his dog with his baby. While she was sleeping he would run out and do the traps for awhile, for an hour or so, and then come back.
One day he crested the hill and looked down at his little cabin, and the door was open. The worst tragedy of his life took place. He rushed down, he threw down his pelts and ran to the cabin. And inside the little baby’s bed was empty. Blood was all over the blanket. And there was his dog, in the corner, covered with blood.
And immediately, he jumped to a conclusion. He grabbed his rifle, aimed it right at the dog, and he said, “You killed my baby! You killed my baby!” And his yelling woke up the baby, who was under the blankets. The baby started crying. His finger was on the trigger, the dog was in the gunsight, and he reached around and moved the blanket, and there was the baby just fine.
And at that instant he happened to see the dead bobcat beside the baby’s bed. The dog had saved the baby’s life. And in a heartbreaking moment he had a deep understanding that the dog was the baby’s saviour, and not the villain. He realized that he had almost killed the one who had saved his baby’s life. He had jumped to a wrong conclusion.
So be slow at becoming critical. When you hear something, give the person the benefit of the doubt.
Each of us must be sure we don’t jump to a judgmental conclusion. Jesus would not have us do that. As Christians we want to be more and more like Jesus. We want to be kind and loving, and helpful. If you must help somebody, do it in a loving spirit. And if somebody comes up to you in a loving way, accept what they tell you as a gift from heaven. Let’s all be more like Jesus. More loving and less critical. The devil is the criticizer of the brethren. We are not.
Let’s sing our closing hymn, number 492, Be Like Jesus.
Hymn of Praise: #221, Rejoice, The Lord is King Scripture: Proverbs 15:31-32 Hymn of Response: #492, Like Jesus
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McDonald Road Sermon transcribed by Steve Foster 8/25/07