God has granted me the privilege of having a Proverbs 31 wife. I just think that is such a treasure that God has given me. But I’m not sure that wise old Solomon ever had a Proverbs 31 wife, even though he had 700 wives and 300 Concubines. He had approximately the same number as the membership of the McDonald Road church in his house. Dozens and dozens of verses in the Bible come from Solomon’s hand warning us about adultery. Urging us to be faithful and to avoid the woman of the street. And I have often wondered how it is that Solomon could write about a holy topic like that when he himself did not follow his own advice. You know, there are things about the Bible that I just don’t understand. He blatantly ignored all of this wonderful wisdom that he got from God, and zealously pursued wickedness.
He wrote in Ecclesiastes, chapter 2 and verse 10. Solomon says, "I denied myself nothing that my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure." He did it. He admits it. In the Bible he admits it. In First Kings, chapter 11 and verse 2, "The LORD had said to the people of Israel, 'Never intermarry with the heathen. They will surely tempt you to follow their gods.'" But what did Solomon do? According to this verse here, verse 2, Solomon was obsessed with their love. In verse 3 it says, "He had 700 wives who were princesses", in other words they were heathen, "and 300 wives who were concubines." Verse 4, "In his old age, his wives tempted him to follow other gods. And he was no longer committed to the Lord his God as his father David had been." Shame on him. These women drew him away, and he should have done more thinking about what he did in his life.
Possibly Solomon never ever visited an adulteress in her home his whole life. He undoubtedly found many of them, but he married them all and made them into his wives or concubines. Most if not all of his wives were heathen. But we could be tempted to say, "Well, he had an excuse because Solomon had bad heredity." His daddy David did not do well, and so you could say, "Well, he had an excuse." And Bathsheba, they both sinned, and David even murdered her husband so that he could ‘legitimately’, ‘legitimately’ have Bathsheba as his wife. And what a shame. You know, there’s a lot I don’t understand about the Bible. How could an idolater, how could a polygamist like Solomon be an author of one of the books, several books actually, of the Bible? I suppose in reality that ought to give us hope, because if Solomon can be in heaven, maybe someday, maybe there’s hope for us to be in heaven. Right? If he can be saved, so can you, because Solomon in his later life did regret all of his sinful follies.
Solomon inherited a predisposition towards this extravagant sin. But our heredity, make sure you’re very clear on this, our heredity never excuses our sinful behavior. Do you agree? You might have an inclination toward a certain sin, but you don’t have to follow it. Through the power, the mighty power of God you can overcome it. Solomon did not learn from his parents sin. But you can learn from the mistakes. That’s why these things are in the Bible. You can learn from your ancestors. You can learn from the things of the Bible.
One day I talked with a man. He was married, and he had Solomon’s weakness. And the man told me that he was so handsome that wherever he went, he would be approached by attractive ladies. And he said it’s hard to avoid adultery. “What is a man supposed to do?” he said.
Well, allow me to answer that question. A man is supposed to behave like a man! Not an animal! Exercise some control. Use your God-given power of self control. Look at Proverbs 6 in your Bible. Proverbs, chapter 6 and verse 32. We’re reading these from the Bible. I don’t know if we should put them on the power-point or not. I want you to read from the Bible. I want you to bring your Bibles to church. You know, I like to preach from the Bible, because this is where the power is, right? So look at Proverbs 6 and verse 32. “But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment.” His knowledge is pretty poor isn’t it? “Whoever does so destroys himself.” And it also destroys his family. It destroys his home.
I know there are lots of people, especially our youth today that are choosing to cohabit together. And I think the reason they do this is because they read this statistic that 50 % of marriages fail and end up in divorce. You’ve heard that statistic. One out of every two marriages ends up in divorce. You’ve heard that over the years. But the Census Bureau has a new category which tracks who it is that has been divorced. And according to the new figures, less than 20 percent of Americans have been divorced. And what inflated the figures to the 50 percent rate is that those who have been divorced multiple times were factored in to the equation. Thus for the newlywed today, you can be encouraged by the fact that 80 percent of those who marry in America, 80 percent do so for life. You think about all the people you know. 50 percent of them aren’t divorced. And 80 percent is pretty good. So be encouraged by that. Don’t be afraid of marriage.
My wife and I were going through some of our old yearbooks back when we were youngsters, and we realized, we could count, there’s maybe a dozen of our classmates, of our huge class at Andrews University, that are now divorced. About 20%. And most of them, I think, because of fornication. Many of our friends became pastors, because of who we were and our friends, and so forth, and far too many of those people are now out of the ministry. They lost their church. They lost their reputation. They lost their family, many of them because of their shameful actions. Proverbs chapter 6 and verse 26 says, “for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life.” In fact, police reports show that the suicide rate of the prostitute is forty-five times greater than for non-prostitutes. So don’t be sure that there is ‘sexual freedom’ exists outside of marriage. It doesn’t.
Proverbs 6, verse 27. "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?" It’s not going to happen. Avoid an affair. It will burn you up. It will destroy, it will consume your home. Avoid it. I cannot understand why decent respectable Christians would allow themselves to violate their marriage and risk their whole family, risk their eternal life for a moment of sin. That does not make any sense to me. Since the fall of Adam and Eve we mortals spontaneously want what God forbids. Our physical desires are so strong and our will power seems so weak. But what we need to do is get lined up with Jesus, and Jesus can give us the strength, to overcome. The devil has a tailor made program for you to fall. But Jesus has a tailor made power for you to succeed. Look at Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 12. Proverbs 18 and verse 12, according to God’s Word translation says, "Before destruction a person's heart is arrogant, but humility comes before honor." It is when we begin to think that we are immune that we are most vulnerable. Pride goes before a fall. And the truth is that you are vulnerable. You can fall. You are not fall-proof. Solomon fell, and he of all people, the smartest man to ever live on the earth, the smartest human, he should have known better. And if he could fall, then you can fall. It could happen to anybody.
And we know that we’re weak. We know that we’re mortal. Therefore, we must be on our guard. Otherwise we will be seduced, we will fall, and we will be destroyed. So desist from things that might lead you into temptation. Sin is there, lurking at the door. And temptation will lead you into sin. The word for immorality in the Greek Language is porneia. Don’t touch a magazine that entices you. Control your television. In fact, in my opinion, MTV, Music TV is misnamed. Not mainly about music.
You know, sin is fun. As a boy my favorite time of the year was Christmas. And the reason I liked Christmas so much is because of all the candy that we had at Christmas time. In fact, somebody gave me a piece of candy here this morning. It says York on it. I shouldn’t eat that in the pulpit, I don’t think. Be tempted to do it. I think I’ll just put it here where I can see it. That’ll be good. Put it right here. I like candy. I like chocolate. I don’t know why they make it taste so good. That’s the problem with it. I remember over the years, I’ve heard it a hundred times if I’ve heard it once, my mother would say, “Don’t eat any more of that candy, because any more and you’re going to get sick. You’ve had enough” And I thought, why, why do they make it so good if you shouldn’t have any of it, you know? And so… You’ve got to get it out of your sight. Things that tempt you, you know, you shouldn’t keep them around. The potency of a temptation is directly proportional to the pleasure of the temptation. And sin is fun, and sin tastes good. Now I’m not saying that chocolate is sinful for you, but it will ruin your life if you get too much of it. Now let us move on to some positive things here. Some things that we can do to strengthen our homes. And strengthen our marriages. And fortunately for us, wise old Solomon did leave us with some very good, respectable advice about marriage. And having a happy marriage. A long-lasting marriage. Look now, if you would, at Proverbs chapter 5 and verse 15. It says, "Be faithful to your own wife, just as you drink water from your own well. Don't pour your water into the streets; don't give your love to just any woman." In other words, there’s several keys here now. We’re going to get into some of these.
Be Faithful. That’s one of the finest things that you can do. Give your love exclusively to your wife, or to your husband. Proverbs chapter 5 and verse 18. "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." Be happy with your own bride. Be satisfied with her love. Stop criticizing her. Give her some positive things.
You know, there was one husband invariably left off the cap to the toothpaste. He’d brush his teeth and he’d leave that toothpaste tube there on the counter, and he would never put the cap back on it. And that irritated his wife to no end. And they had been married 25 years and he was still doing the same thing. And privately he determined that at their anniversary, their silver anniversary, he was going to stop leaving the cap off of the toothpaste, and was going to put it back on every time. So, faithfully and regularly, he screwed on the toothpaste cap every time. And this went on for several weeks. Well, after a week of unbroken success, the poor guy was blindsided by his suspicious wife. She cornered him at the breakfast table one day and she said, "Why did you stop brushing your teeth?" She could not believe that he could change for the better. Believe in your spouse. Rejoice at every upward advancement. Praise the good behavior that you see, instead of nagging and criticizing the bad behavior. Be faithful to your spouse. Proverbs chapter 5, verse 19. "She is as lovely and graceful as a deer. Let her love always make you happy; let her love always hold you captive." You appreciate a beautiful deer. Appreciate the best dear. The best one is the one you’re married to. Appreciate your husband, appreciate your wife.
And that all begins on the wedding day. While attending her first wedding, a little girl whispered to her mother and says, "Mommy, why is the bride dressed in white?" And the mother responded, "Well, because white is the color of happiness, and this is the happiest day of her life." The girl thought about that and she said, “Well then, why is the groom dressed in black?" I don’t even know the answer to that myself. They ought to both be in white, I guess.
Proverbs 21. Come over here to Proverbs 21. The next thing I want to encourage you to do is to live in peace with each other. Proverbs 21, verse 9. "It is better to live alone in the corner of the attic", and whoever wrote that didn’t live in Collegedale, Tennessee, because it’s a hundred and five degrees in the shade, and in the attic its probably a hundred and I don’t know how many zillion degrees up there, but it’s hot. You couldn’t live in… but any way, "it’s better to live alone in the corner of the attic, than with a contentious wife in a lovely home." A contentious wife. How many wives here today are contentious? No husband raised his hand, stating that his wife was, so that’s good. We don’t even have to read this verse here at McDonald Road. Somebody said, “I do not believe there is a marriage in existence today that would not benefit from both partners asking themselves: 'What is it like being married to me?'” What if you were married to somebody that’s just like you? Now think about that. If you are contentious, imagine what it would be like to be married to somebody like that. So in other words, be sweet. Avoid quarrels. Live in peace. Don’t argue. Don’t nag. Don’t be contentious.
Treat your wife like a treasure. Look at Proverbs, chapter 18 and verse 22. "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord." Your wife is like a treasure. And treat her like a treasure. Treat her valuable.
Ted Engstrom tells the story of a disgruntled husband named Joe. He was ready to end his three-year marriage, they were just having all kinds of problems. Arguments. She was contentious, and he was contentious. And they were angry, and he didn’t know much about marriage, been married 3 years. But he wanted to get rid of his wife. But it would be pretty easy, so he wanted to actually hurt her before he divorced her. And so, he visited a psychologist and sought a professional opinion as to how he could most severely hurt his wife. And he happened to go to a wise counselor. The counselor sized up the situation and gave him this advice. "Here's the perfect solution. You go home and you quickly start treating your wife like she was a goddess. Give her your undivided attention, take her out to eat, help around the house, compliment her at every possibility that you can, treat her just like she was a queen. And do this for two months, and then you pack your bags and get out of there. Walk out. Leave her. And when you leave her after treating her so well she will recognize what you were like and it will, her life will crumble."
Well, Joe thought, “You know, that’s pretty good advice. That’s a good scheme. I kind of like that.” So he put it into practice as soon as he got home. And for two months he gave his wife the best that he had to offer. And after an eight-week setup, the marriage counselor called on the phone and said, "Well, when you left did she crumble and fall apart?" And Joe shot back, "Are you kidding? I wouldn't leave that woman for any other woman in the world. I now have the best marriage in the world. And my wife IS a goddess!" You know, when a spouse treats a companion like a prized treasure, and that’s what Solomon says we should do, the result is a beautiful and lasting marriage. So, if you treat somebody like garbage, the whole marriage will soon stink, but if you treat them like a treasure, you’ll end up with a valuable, wonderful, beautiful marriage.
Proverbs 19 and verse 14 says, "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a wise wife is a gift from God." A wise, prudent, understanding wife is a fantastic gift straight from heaven.
Let’s go to another point. Never marry for beauty. Proverbs 31, verse 30, the New King James says, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." The best place to meet a new husband or new wife is at prayer meeting, or at church, or some… meet somebody that fears the Lord. Don’t marry them for beauty, because wrinkles and warts and age spots and osteoporosis happen all too quickly. And don’t marry just for looks. Now of course I have noticed that our eyesight gets worse over the years and we probably don’t even notice the wrinkles after a while. And if they bother us then we just ought to go look in the mirror.
I don’t let the changes that age has brought upon my wife to dim my perspective of the beautiful woman that I married. And now, when I look at my own wife, I still see the young, attractive woman that she was when I married her. And I see that she is becoming ever more beautiful in her character, and that God is giving her true beauty. And I see Jesus in my wife, and I compliment her on that.
And that brings us to the next one. Affirm your wife. What does Solomon say that I should do? Proverbs 31, verse 30 concludes, "she shall be praised." Do you praise your wife? You ought to. Give her the honest kudos that will help her grow even greater in God’s sight and in your sight.
And the next one. Be a better man. If you want a better wife, then be a better man. And look at Proverbs chapter 31 and verse 23. "Her husband is respected in the community." A great wife has what type of a husband? The one that’s respected in the community. You can’t go out and be trashy and expect to have a great wife. You’ve got to be a great person. So listen up. If you want to have a better wife, be a better man! In other words, what should you do? Work hard. Live honestly. Be respectable. Be a gentleman. Be a quality person. Control your words and your actions. And be esteemed not only in public but be esteemed by God. Be a man of quality. Specifically, be a man of prayer, be a man of Bible study. Lead out in the spiritual activities in your home. Read your own Bible. And pray. Attend church. Sit with your family, sit with your wife, and grow in your character toward the likeness and the similitude of Jesus Christ.
So if you want a Proverbs 31 wife, then you need to be a Proverbs 32 husband. Well, there isn’t a proverbs 32... but hey, why not have a Proverbs 32? If there’s one whole chapter devoted to wives, why shouldn’t there be a whole chapter devoted to husbands. I think in all honesty the first 30 chapters of Proverbs are devoted to men, seems like. Hits me right square in the face, and Proverbs 31 is devoted to ladies.
However it is, if you want to shatter-proof your marriage then you follow the advice of the wisest human being that ever lived. Don’t follow what he did, but follow what God allowed to be placed in this book.
Let’s sing our closing hymn, number 655, Happy the Home.
Hymn of Praise: #4, Praise My Soul, The King of Heaven Scripture: Proverbs 5:15-18 Hymn of Response: #655, Happy The Home
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McDonald Road Sermon transcribed by Steve Foster 9/12/07